She Keeps Searching.

Sally (Blond) and Dune (Tri-Color) on their final walk together.

Sniffing the ground frantically, Sally diligently searches for some trace of her Dune. Dune went on a walk with her in the morning. The Owners unclipped her from the split leash, and then took Dune back outside. The Owners took Dune for a ride, and when the Owners returned, Dune was not with them. Now, Sally knows Dune must have gone somewhere, and she can find him if she just follows his scent... Which is on the places he marked on the block.

This is what is most heartbreaking to me. How do you explain to a dog that her love is gone? How can you tell her that he is not coming home, and she can't find him by searching? 

One of our family dogs, Dune, suddenly developed a lump in his mouth a couple of weeks ago. We took him to vet, and he said that they would do surgery as soon as they got a new laser. Take out the lump and check to see if it was cancer. Well, in the time it took them to get the laser in, it got incredibly worse. Until finally, when we were scheduled to take him to get blood drawn for his surgery... We had to admit that the lump had taken over his mouth and we had to do the most difficult thing and take him to his final rest.

We took him to the ASPCA that he was adopted from nine years ago, paid the fees, and watched him happily walk out back with the worker. Completely unaware that this was his last day. I was supposed to be there for my younger sister, who owned Dune, and help her through this difficult task. However, I was so much worse than she was... And still am.

I know that what we did was necessary, but I miss Dune really badly right now. He was as much mine as my sister's. There is a reason they call dogs "man's best friend." While my dogs Happy and Sally (well I'm Sally's legal owner, but she's really my wife's now) are in good health... And I am grateful to still have them. There is a big Dune shaped hole in my life now.

I am a Quaker who believes in the Divine, and that there is something to come. I'm hoping that Dune has plenty of balls to chase, friends to play with, and comfy places to sleep.

The Crappy Fork

I was thinking about a story that illustrates one of the microcosms of a relationship.

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One day you meet a new woman and hit it off.

Eventually, you invite her over to dinner. Time to eat, and you grab a pair of forks from the drawer. 

Nothing wrong with either of them, you just happen to like one a lot more than the other. So, you give her the nice fork and make do with the crappy one.

Time passes, you spend more time together. Maybe you've moved in with one another, or gotten married. Your relationship is nothing but stronger.  You have plenty of forks, but for some reason those same two forks always pop up when you grab some for the two of you. Because, you still think the world of her, you still make an effort to give her the good fork. Keeping the crappy one for yourself.

This goes on for years, then one day she's in a bad mood. You bring her the good fork, and start using the crappy one. She snaps at you, "Why do you always get the good fork?"

It turns out that she really likes the other fork, and has been wanting it the whole time. Your good fork is her crappy fork, and vice versa...

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Now, the "Fork" can be anything in a relationship. A pillow, a book, a behavior, an action, a habit, or even a "move."

Somewhere that you think you are going out of your way to be awesome. However, because it has never been discussed. You are actually being self centered and projecting your own wants and needs onto someone else. This happens in just about every relationship, not just romantic ones. 

Honestly, I can't help but feel that all too often this happens to our relationship with the Divine. 

We worry about dressing nice for church. Praying exactly how we think God wants us to. Behaving exactly like everyone else in our congregation, and insisting that anyone new does the same. Adhering ever stronger to tradition or doctrine. Thinking that is what the Divine wants. In extreme cases this search for ever greater sanctity rises to the level of a mental illness called Scrupulosity (it's an offshoot of OCD).

In other words, giving God the "Fork" we think he wants.

It makes sense when you think about it. After all large fancy buildings, nice clothes, catchy music, tradition, and fancy equipment is what impresses us as humans. Surely the Divine must be impressed when we give all these things to them...

Like many Quakers, I think that the Divine craves something else. I personally feel the presence of the Light much more strongly when I am walking in a gorge, or reading a great book then when I am in church or meeting. (I respect that it is very often the opposite for others).

There have been times I wonder if God actually even wants worship, or if it embarrasses them... Or actively annoys the Divine.

There is only one thing that I am personally sure that the Divine wants. I'm only sure of it because there is That of God in Everyone. What the Divine definitely wants is for us to love and take care of each other. Yes, even _______ (fill in the blank with whoever you personally can't stand). Remember, there is That of God within them, even if we have trouble seeing it.

My Wife is My Partner.

Since my handwriting is somewhat messy. I will transcribe what it says above.

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Dear "Transformed Wife,"

"Oh Yummy!" When my wife says that as I hand her a plate of food I just cooked. It is the most amazing feeling I have ever experienced. The sheer happiness in her eyes. I love to cook. Why should I give that up?

I don't need anyone to take care of me. I am a smart, capable, and knowledgeable man. Not only can I cook, but I can clean, wash dishes, do laundry, and make minor household repairs. My wife does not need to mother me. I am fully capable on my own. No one expects me to do chores, except me.

I love my wife as my partner and equal. As Proverbs 31 suggests, I show appreciation for all of her works. I praise her for her work in the church, for her faith, and her boundless determination. She bolsters me through her strength, not by being my servant.

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I don't usually respond to things that I see online in my blog. Especially when others have written perfectly good rebuttals already. However, I do feel I have something to add to this conversation.

I recently became aware of Lori Alexander and her blog "The Transformed Wife." The above letter was my reaction to her regressive ideas. I will be completely honest here. I can't help but think to myself that she has no idea what Christian means. Also, I have scriptures about specks and logs running through my head when I read her "About Me" biography and some of her posts.

I'm a Christian Friend. I was raised as one, and identify as one now that I have returned to Meeting.
My wife is an Adventist. Both my wife and myself have an idea of Christianity that is closer to each others than the politicized version I see when I visit Ms. Alexander's blog. To be frank, I'm not sure I see Christ in Ms. Alexander's version.

As for why I care about men doing chores so much. Well... I've seen so many of these poor older gentlemen over the years. Recent widowers who have no idea what to do. In a department store looking for clothes, not even knowing what size they wear. In a grocery store, completely lost, because they have never had to buy food for themselves before. I can't imagine the feeling of helplessness at the simplest of tasks, that the Mrs. used to take care of for them. Gender equality doesn't just benefit women, it is great for men too.

I Know What Is Going On.

I can't believe how bad it is getting.

Every day there is a new outrage in the news. Something more awful than the day before. 

Committed in our names by the leadership of our country.

I have immigrants in my family. From Asia and Africa.While I myself may be blindingly Caucasian, that is definitely not true for all of my family. I myself have always been told that I have Seneca blood many generations back. I have friends whose families come from every corner of the Earth...

I was a child during the tail end of the Cold War. I was told that we were better than the USSR, because we were more moral. The Russians did things that we would never dream of.

Now, nearly 30 years after the end of the Cold War....

Things have gotten bad enough that my 85 year old grandmother, who I have never discussed politics with in my entire life... Brought up everything that has been happening, and how upsetting it is. Until this week, I didn't even know whether or not Grandma was registered to vote. My mother told me she didn't like to discuss politics decades ago, so I never brought it up.

Well, there is a reason why I have been keeping the Daily Outrages out of my blog. Not because I do not see what is happening. Not because I do not care about our Nation.

I actually am a very strong patriot. In the mold of Susan B. Anthony, Martin Luther King Jr., and Thomas K. Beecher. I do everything I can to make this a better Nation, for everyone who lives here. I even sacrifice several days a year to help keep our democracy running.

However, there is a real problem with fighting the Daily Outrage. Getting upset about every horrible thing that happens. If you do that with no breaks ever. You run serious risk of Empathy Fatigue.

Empathy Fatigue is something that happens to Social Workers, Civil Rights Lawyers, Teachers, and even Police Officers. After a while you see so much awful, your sense of Empathy begins to dull. The human mind can only handle so much before it starts to give up.

In order to avoid Empathy Fatigue I have been keeping my blog focused on how to deepen my Faith. Somewhat as a way to remind myself that I can be a good Quaker and a good person. That Faith is not the property of the Religious Right, that the Religious Left is heir to our traditions as well.

My sense of Justice is tied up with my Faith. After all, I am a Friend, and Quakers have a long history of being Moral Crusaders.

I am a Feminist and a Socialist (please don't confuse that term with Communist). I am against Mass Incarceration, LGBTQ+ discrimination, Racism, and Anti-Immigrant sentiment.

I stand for destroying Income Inequality. Ensuring that all Americans have their needs met. That everyone has Health Care, Food, Affordable Housing, the Education they desire, and the chance for a decent life. Working for a society that works for everyone. Not just some people.

In other words, I stand for things that I see in Quaker tradition, and in the Bible. God belongs to no political party.

Morality always advances.

There is one quirk of Quakerism that outsiders may not be familiar with.

Friends place personal revelation above scripture.

The Bible is important, but when it comes right down to it. We consider it to be just one way to commune with the Light.

Quaker reliance on personal revelation dates back to our founder George Fox. Fox preached that within  every person there is a measure of the Holy Spirit. In it's modern form we refer to this as, "That of God in Everyone," or "The Light Within."

Quaker Silent Worship has as it's express purpose reaching towards that light. It is an attempt to commune with the Spirit and receive God's wisdom.

This wisdom is then meant to inform our actions and guide us in a careful and caring life.

We follow personal revelation because of a simple fact. Over the last Two-Thousand years morality has advanced. It continues to do so. In the past the Divine was only able to reveal what the people alive at the time were ready to hear.

I tend to see the history of the Judeo-Christian tradition as a maturation process. You have the early Hebrews. Who were violent, arrogant, and obsessed with purity and cleanliness. Like a young child (who very often can be described by my previous sentence) they needed a lot of rules. Just as you need rules telling a small child not to hit their sister, or pull a vase down on themselves. The Ancient Hebrews needed rules telling them not to eat un-refrigerated and non-preserved pork and shellfish in the desert.

Then you have the loosening of the rules with Yeshua of Nazareth. Just as with a teenager, you are able to rely on your children to make their own judgements. Yeshu made it clear that the intent behind the rules was more important than the letter of the rules. That God is love, and following God will always produce love in this world.

Now, for the most part society has advanced to adulthood. Morality overall has advanced to the point where the Divine does not need to intercede directly on a constant basis.

Just as adults only need their parents when they ask for help. We only need Divine Assistance when we ask for it. Although, like any good parent, sometimes he will help us with something more difficult without actually letting us know.

Of course there are those who ignore current Morality and the guidance of the Divine. Who, for whatever reason act in selfish and short sighted ways. Who instead of loving their neighbors, find reasons to hate and exclude. Who like the proverbial Tax Collector, only love those who love them.

Following the Light we receive guidance to care for everyone. For all people contain That of God within. Even when it is so hard to see.

Worship is not for The Divine.

I was just reading Marcus Borg's The Heart of Christianity. There is a point in chapter Eight where Borg points out that Worship of the Divine is not totally for the benefit of the Divine. It is for the benefit of the Worshipers.

I long ago realized that for the most part occasions such as funerals, weddings, and graduation parties are not for the benefit of the guests of honor (especially funerals). They are actually for the benefit of the attendees (again, especially funerals). To strengthen bonds of community and love.

I should have made the connection before, because after all, what does the Divine need with worship? I'd think anything great enough to create the Universe would be beyond needing unending praise and slavish devotion. I've often wondered if it was human hubris to assume that the Divine needed the attention. 

The real purpose of Worship is to bring the worshipers together. To create community, love, and fellowship as a group. To connect with our fellow worshipers, as well as the Divine

I know that when I am sitting in Silent Worship, I feel so much more in tune with the other Friends. All of us aware of what was inside, and out, as we call to the Light within.

I've always been inclined to stay for the Community and Fellowship events. Realizing that Worship is for us, makes me even more committed to doing so. Whether it be Snack/Coffee, Potluck, or an Ice Cream Social. So I can continue to deepen my connections with my Faith Community. This realization makes me even more devoted to spending time with others I meet in Worship.

I Want to Be Thomas K. Beecher When I Grow Up.

In my post Hometown Heroes I mentioned that I wanted to know more about Thomas K. Beecher. If only because one of my ancestors helped create the statue of Rev. Beecher.

Since that blog I have gotten the chance to tour the Park Church downtown. I discovered that Rev. Beecher was the sort of man that all Christians should aspire to be

Rev. Beecher has a bad case of more famous older sibling. His older sister Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote Uncle Tom's Cabin. Which of course is still required reading in many schools today, over 150 years after it was published. Like her, he was an abolitionist.

The Park Church that Rev. Beecher was pastor of was actually founded by abolitionists. Quite a few of the members were active conductors on the Underground Railroad before the end of the Civil War. At least 800 fugitive slaves passed through Elmira on their way to Canada. I'm positive that he had a hand in some of those activities.

Rev. Beecher was also close friends with another literary giant. He would play billiards and debate with his buddy Sam regularly. Sam wasn't the church going type (I've read his "Letters From The Earth" so I totally understand that), but his wife and daughters were members of the Park Church. Why Rev. Beecher even performed Sam's marriage to his wife Olivia in her family's mansion (the current site of which is a strip mall, take that as you will). Sam is better known by his pen-name, Mark Twain. I can't help but envy Rev. Beecher's friendship with Mark Twain. I have long wished I could have gotten to know Mark Twain personally.

Rev. Beecher gave the "indigent" a place to clean up and rest (which tells me how old my town's homeless population is). His study was my City's first library. He helped create the local school system. He was even a carpenter and helped the townspeople build and repair their homes. A fixer, a creator, a caretaker, an educator, and a spiritual leader. From his talents and actions, you can see that he was a man that tried very hard to follow in the footsteps of Jesus Christ.

When Rev. Beecher retired as the pastor of the Park Church, he handpicked his successor and hired her himself. Yes, that is correct. In the 1890's he hired the first female pastor ordained in his denomination Annis Eastman and her husband to oversee the church he had built.

Rev. Thomas K. Beecher was such an influence that even the placement of his statue was symbolic and purposeful. With his church standing behind him, and him watching out and over the town.

I see so much of what I admire in a man of Faith in Rev. Beecher. I am somewhat awestruck at what I learned on the tour. While he and I are from different denominations, we both belong to the same religion. I am inspired to be a better Christian in the way he was. To do as much good, and bring as much love and kindness into the world.

I know that Quakers have so many stories in our past that are as vibrant and inspiring as Rev. Beecher's is for the Congregationalists. I can't help but wonder where that spark is now for the Religious Left? Shouldn't every Friend and Progressive Christian try to be as devoted and giving as he was? Shouldn't everyone no matter their Faith or lack thereof try to live up to this example?

They Have Family and Friends.

This is a question that I am sure has been bothering Quakers for centuries. How do we honor our nation's fallen soldiers, without glorifying war? We have long followed the Peace Testimony. We have long sought to prevent war.

The Woodlawn National Cemetery, located in Elmira New York, has the most northern of the Confederate Civil War monuments (it came up during the recent debate, and that's what the local news said). The monument is dedicated to all of the Confederate dead who died in the Elmira Prisoner of War camp.

During the Civil War a formerly escaped slave, John W. Jones, made sure that every Confederate prisoner that died received a proper burial in Woodlawn. That they would not be forgotten or lost. To this day Southerners visit the cemetery to find family members. I personally believe that he must have been very in touch with the Divine that was inside him to be that forgiving. Especially since he was a conductor on the Underground Railroad.

My childhood was spent within sight of the Woodlawn cemetery, both the civilian and national sections of it. I wandered into it a few times as a child. I once happened upon that monument. I was confused, because weren't the Confederates bad? Why did "bad people" have a statue (I was too young to know the difference between a statue and a monument) in the cemetery? 

Now, all of my Civil War ancestors were on the Union side. Also, my single mother was raising me as a Quaker. So, we were decidedly pro-Union and abolitionist in our family (If we needed to have the old labels applied). I asked her about the statue, and she gave me an awesome answer.

The Confederate Soldiers mostly weren't bad people, and they had family and friends that loved them. So they deserved a statue to remember them.

That statement informs my adult Leading on Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and all the other times our Nation seems to give into jingoism. I respect and honor all of our veterans. They did what they felt was right. Or at least did what they felt they needed to do. We should take note of them, because they have family and friends who still love them.

However, I dream of the day that the last military veteran dies of old age. When war is nothing more than a distant memory. That is the world I work for by following the Peace Testimony.

Hometown Heroes

As a Quaker, I follow the Peace Testimony, and have for as far back as I can remember. Even when I slipped away from the Society, I was still a pacifist. Being a pacifist and non-violent is not an easy path, especially when you are young. It's even harder when you are young and poor, because there is so much violence around you. Also, anger is  easier than serenity. Serenity requires effort.

Due to the fact that I have always been a pacifist, I've become somewhat sensitive to the militarism and violence in our culture. The aggressive national anthem. Our near sanctification of active duty military personnel (only as long as they are convenient). Jingoism and nationalism replacing patriotism. The list could go on nearly endlessly.

I want to make one thing clear. I am personally a pacifist, but I do not have any disrespect for those that felt called to join the military. I have quite a few family members and friends who did serve, and I understand why they did. This blog post is not about servicemen and servicewomen. This is about the need to promote peace, and peaceful activities, as well as war. A goal that I know many people who have served agree with.

Within the last month I became aware of the "Hometown Heroes" program. Hanging from lampposts in our downtown, and other downtown districts in the region, are banners with the pictures and names of former military personnel. I was looking at one of the banners hanging outside of my bank and I started thinking to myself. "Why is it always soldiers? Why don't we ever honor local civil rights and peace activists?" Having had some time to think about it, I also want educators, doctors, and inventors honored. Soldiers are not the only heroes in the world.

In all honesty, I can only think of a few non-military "Hometown Heroes" that I have been taught about. John W. Jones, a former slave that made sure the confederate soldiers that died in the Elmira Prison Camp during the Civil War were given a proper burial in Woodlawn National Cemetery. Then, a current resident of Woodlawn Cemetery, Samuel Clemens. Better known as Mark Twain. The first African American Heisman Trophy winner Ernie Davis, also lived here. In fact, the local middle school is named after him. Outside of that, everyone else is a "Hometown Hero" for being from here. 

There is a statue of Thomas K. Beecher in the local Wisner Park in downtown Elmira. I know two things about that statue. Thomas K. Beecher was an educator, and my ancestor John Cartledge (or one of his sons) carved the base that it stands on. I don't know if it is the oldest, but it is definitely one of the oldest statues in my city. However, I have no idea why he was that beloved. Statues aren't cheap, especially over 100 years ago, and he has the central statue in what could be called our town square. All of the other monuments date to after him, and are the normal run of war and soldier memorials. Starting in the Spanish-American war.

I want to see us honor more people like Thomas K. Beecher. (Who I just discovered has a Wikipedia page.) To bring out the hidden history of the good and kind in America. We do not need yet another Wall of Names of the fallen. We need a Wall of Names for the educators, builders, creators, and champions for justice.

P.S. Woodlawn National Cemetery (as far as I know) has the distinction of being the location of the northernmost Confederate Monument. It is dedicated to the fallen Confederate soldiers. Their cause was unjust, but everyone should be remembered.

I'm Still Here.

I've been busy with a project recently, and I am helping a family member with personal problems. So I haven't been able to devote as much time to this blog as it deserves. So good news everyone! New Content SOON!

I've got several drafts started. Tons of ideas flowing through my head. My personal goal is one to two posts a week. I think I could keep something going here for years to come.

The Casual Cruelty of "So, When Are You Going to Have Kids?"

Within the last couple of weeks, two wonderful people that I am lucky to call friends were married. During their reception I started thinking about how often you hear this evil phrase. Especially, soon after marriage. My friends and their own plans had nothing to do with this blog post. Except for giving me cause to remember my own experiences. I just started to wonder how long it would be before well meaning people would start asking them.... a phrase that I grew to hate (that isn't even a strong enough word) in my first marriage. "So, When are you guys going to have kids.?"

To this day, I always want to lecture people who ask that question. I know that it almost never is meant maliciously. I think that makes it worse, because it is almost always asked from a lack of conversation. As a filler. Or genuine misplaced curiosity.

When you think about it, the question is insanely rude. You are basically asking the couple, or at least one person in the couple, about so many private things. Also, about subjects that are normally off limits and considered taboo. You are asking about the couples sex life. Their personal health. Their finances, and how secure they are. Thousands of other questions that are none of your business. Especially since fertility issues are painful enough without being reminded of it regularly.


As for why I hate it so much. Well here's my personal story.

My ex-wife and I eloped. Not because we had to, but because her mother had started trying to dictate what, when, and how we were going to get married. That, coupled with the normal stress of planning a wedding, made us decide to elope and not include her. (At this point in time I know how bad of an idea that was, my only excuse is that I'm not always as smart as I should be. It is also a major reason I was firm about wanting a decent sized wedding when Maria and I wed.) The day after we did, people started asking us that dang question. "When are you going to have kids." All too many of them having decided that the only reason we rushed things was because my ex-wife was pregnant. Which could not have been further from the truth, we did it out of spite.

The truth is, my ex-wife and I had decided not to have children at that time, because we were not financially secure. We were young, and there was plenty of time to change our minds. We still got the damn question constantly. I got so very tired of answering that question. Being asked that question so much definitely influenced our decision to wait.

Then, things went sour. Our relationship became toxic. It was patterned by verbal and emotional abuse. It was a classic emotionally abusive relationship.

One day the ex told me that she had decided that we should try for a child. She wanted to discontinue her birth control. I was okay with it... She left me before the birth control she had taken truly had time to wear out. I later found out that the reason she wanted to have a child is to force her idea of maturity on me. "To make me grow up."

So, in that entire marriage. While I was asked that question constantly, the only time that we had actually tried to have children. It was for all of the wrong reasons. To this day I thank the Divine that we were unsuccessful. If we had had a child, my life would still be miserable. There is what I personally would point to if I was asked if I believed in Divine Intervention.

The one upside to having been through my first marriage was that it showed me how horrible a person I could be. My Quest to be a better person has led me to so many good places. It made me good enough for Maria to fall in love with me. Something that I thank the Divine regularly for. It led me back to Quakerism. Which I find incredibly fulfilling spiritually. The Quest is never ending, but the joy and treasure along the way is worth it.

As a postscript. My wife Maria and I are very happy together. I know exactly how we feel about having kids, and what our plans are. Which is nobody's business. If you ask if we are having children. I can and will lecture you about how cruel and rude the question is. A lecture I have been giving since well before I met Maria. You could argue that I am not being a good Quaker when I give it. I might agree, but I feel that I am helping you be a better person by pointing out a common cruelty.

Spiritually Political and Argumentative (At Least With Myself)

When I decided to start this blog, I made the firm decision to keep this as a religious blog. I've been going through quite a lot with my journey in Faith lately. Learning quite a bit about my religion and myself. For example, I had no idea that I was a Hicksite Quaker until recently (of course I wasn't the only one in Meeting that didn't know that was specifically what we were...). I didn't know that there was more than one kind of Quaker, and that not all Quakers practiced Silent Worship. So, this blog is meant as an exploration of that journey.

The reason I have had to keep that in mind is that I also have a strong interest in politics and government. So my personal struggle here is how much I should talk about political subjects. Quakers in my tradition have long been advocates for Social Justice. Highly Political and deeply involved. My Faith informs and guides my political beliefs. So, where do I draw the line and say "Okay, this is purely a political rant. Not about my spiritual journey. It doesn't belong on this blog."

In my second blog I mentioned the Poor People's Campaign I felt confident doing so because while it is aimed at social and political change, it is fundamentally a religious movement. It's founder the Reverend Dr William Barber II is actually the speaker at the 2018 FGC (Friends General Conference) Gathering. The FGC is the parent organization for the New York Yearly Meeting. So the Poor People's Campaign is group that I know has the support of the greater Quaker community. I felt confident that I could classify it as not totally political. Or at least morally important enough to justify discussion.

We also have to consider that while I may be trying to keep things completely apolitical. There has been a tendency lately for previously non-partisan ideas and organizations to become suddenly polarizing. Just the other day I woke up and suddenly found an entire political party slamming the FBI... While there are valid reasons to distrust the FBI. Including their long term tendency to investigate Quakers because of our Anti-War beliefs. In this case it was purely partisan, and incredibly unexpected.

One of the biggest contributors to my personal debate is the Political Religious Right. They claim the morality of Christianity, but do not seem to be following in the steps of Jesus. I do feel called to oppose this group as necessary. However, I do not oppose their right to use call themselves Christian. I do my best to see that of God within them. I just feel that they have placed their Faith in second place to Power. I have an especially hard time seeing how it reflects well upon them that they currently support someone who is the exact opposite of Jesus, in the name of shortsighted political gain.

With all of this. I can't totally separate the Religious, the Social, and Political, when I make my posts. They are separate spheres, but there is some overlap normally (I personally am Liberal in all three spheres). On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to be Religiously Neutral, Socially Liberal, and Politically Conservative.

Like many Quakers I have a strong interest in politics, so I'm sure eventually I will give in and make a post that is fairly political. Or at least create a Politics section on the blog. For now, I plan on keeping this blog about my religious journey. For now.

Not Falling Into the Fire of My Own Ire.

The hardest of the Quaker testimonies for me to personally follow is the Peace Testimony. I'm positive that it must have been for my Quaker mother as well. I like to think that I am doing a good job, because most people's reaction upon learning that I have anger management issues is shock. For many of them, I am the most calm and serene person they know.

For background, extremely horrible tempers run in my mother's family. I know that most people feel that their family has anger issues. However, my family is extreme, it is not unusual for the police to be called when my extended family gets into arguments. Now, I don't think that we have anything as bad as the adrenal tumors  of the McCoy's from the famous feud. I just know that something makes it worse than usual.

In my case the Divine gave me a sign that lets me know when I have to fight my anger. I get migraines when I give in to too much anger and rage. When I start feeling the ache, I must examine my motivations and reasoning.

  

Every day is a constant struggle not to let my temper loose. 

I take a moment to breath deeply and slowly whenever necessary. 

I remind myself that "Everyone is the Hero in their own story," when confronted with those who are small minded and selfish. 

I follow what I call the  Craig Ferguson method (video link)  in my daily life. I ask myself. "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me right now?" Doing this cuts down on moments of spontaneous anger. It doesn't help as much with considered anger, but it does keep that under control.

At this time, I feel that I have my anger issues under control. The question then becomes when it it appropriate for me to let righteous anger out. Also, how far is it okay to go with my anger, even righteous anger at the various injustices, inequalities, and hatred in this world.

I do not want to go down a path where I lose myself to my anger again.

Losing yourself to anger is possible even with anger focused against injustice and cruelty. You can become so focused on the target of your rage. That you do not notice when you have lost sight of your goals and are only in it for the fight. Even following the Peace Testimony of Non-Violence we need to recognize when we are no longer being Non-Aggressive.

On the other hand, we have an obligation to fight for those who do not have a voice. To promote Equality for all. To protect those under our care. How do we do that without giving in to just rage and loving ourselves. Unfortunately, I do not have an answer. I am always stopping myself from falling into the fire of my own ire.

God as The Word. Finding God in Books, the Divine as Knowledge.

      Passing on a love of reading

I am a huge bibliophile. I own hundreds (maybe thousands) of books. I have a joke about my own life. "My ex-wife asked me which I loved more, her or my books. Now, I still have my books, and a new more compatible wife."

Even before I returned to Quakerism. I have felt that I am closest to the Divine while I am reading. Not in the "I learned something new, now I am illuminated," sense. I don't feel that Nirvana of any sort is attainable in a set path. (Except for the band from when I was in Junior High, you can find an easy path to buy their songs.)

What I feel is the sort of openness and internal stillness that among Quakers is most often experienced in Silent Worship. It does not matter what I am reading. When I am, as the colloquialism goes," lost in a good book." I feel the Light of the Divine.

I am led to feel that I am not alone in that discernment. In the beginning of the Gospel of John, Jesus is referred to as The Word. Specifically as LOGOS. An idea that in the Greek has greater connotations than the English concept of The Word. LOGOS means something closer to an idea of words as the basic building block of the universe. How you can describe something so completely that the description is indistinguishable from the thing itself. So, maybe our modern concept of mathematics comes closer to that concept then our idea of The Word. (It also sounds like something else I should explore further as well in the future) Also, that you can experience God through The Word. In essence, Jesus was LOGOS in order to spread The Word and bring us closer to God.

To get back to my point, when my wife's devoutness caused a renewed interest in Faith for me. I handled it the way I do everything I want to learn about. I started reading everything that grabbed my interest about religion. Starting of Course with my own Yearly Meeting's Faith and Practice.

As I read more, I am learning more about my own faith tradition. Progressive Christianity has a long and proud history. Especially among Liberal Quakers. It is so liberating to see that Christianity does not have to be small minded, bigoted, and hypocritical. That Christianity can be rooted in seeking knowledge, loving everyone, and taking care of the world and people around us.

There is also so much Light to be found in other Faiths. Buddhism, Taoism, Judaism, Islam, Non-Theism, and even Neo-Paganism all have a portion of the Light in them. It is also so much easier to see where your own path is causing personal blindness by using the Light of other paths.

Reclaiming the Title of Christian.

The turning point in my internal debate was when I was talking to a Conservative Evangelical Pastor. A good and kind man, who I do have plenty of respect for. He was saying "Christians believe" and "Christians do" in order to justify the exclusionary behavior of some of his parishioners. I snapped at him "I'm a Christian too, I'm a Quaker. We've been around for over 300 years."

Before then, I had no problem self identifying as a Quaker, but the title of Christian was anathema to me. So much harm has been done by self-professed hypocritical Christians in my memory. I didn't want to be included with them. Even by accident.

I feel that at this point I need to make a point that I have never had a problem with people who follow in the footsteps of Yeshua of Galilee. In High School I had tremendous respect and friendship for a guy named Adam. Who would read the Bible in Study Hall. My first girlfriend was the daughter of an Orthodox Priest. In fact my wife is the most devout Christian I have ever met. At the risk of falling into the No True Scotsman fallacy, I have no problem with True Christians.

Since that fateful conversation with the Evangelical Pastor. I have gone out of the way to point out how my Quaker beliefs are Christian. To counteract when those who have beliefs anathema to my own who are taking the Lord's name in vain (using God's name to push their personal agendas). Our forefathers in the Society were intensely devout, and generally had a theological justification for their actions.

This article A Quaker's Response to Christian Fundamentalism uses biblical verse to illustrate the Christian basis for our beliefs. Admittedly, in response to accusations that our Quaker beliefs are non-Christian because they do not fit a certain theology. After reading this, I found a greater leading to emphasize that we are a part of the Judaeo-Christian tradition. To let people know that we are definitely Christians.

Finally, I don't want to allow the loudest and most exclusionary of Americans a monopoly on the name Christian. Bigots such as Pat Robertson, who hates pretty much all Americans, and would deny even my right to be considered a Christian. Political partisans like Jerry Falwell, who destroyed the good name of Evangelicalism by marrying it with Republican politics. Con Artists such as Jim and Tammy Faye Baker or Robert Tilton. Hypocrites such as Ted Haggard, George Alan Rekers, and Paul Crouch (who make it a truism that if you are loudly anti-LBGTQ, you are hiding something). None of these people deserve to define what a Christian is. I get to remind people that the Christian Left is just as much Christian as they are. (Personally, I feel more so, but that is my own bias showing.

Why I Decided to Deactivate Comments on My Blog.

I love to engage in discussion. I may be too strongly passionate about expressing my opinion. However, I also want everyone to have a place at the table. Even if I not only disagree but think that they are completely and totally wrong. So, I am very hesitant to limit opportunity for someone's voice to be heard. On the other hand, I do not owe anyone a debate.

Unfortunately, after my last blog was posted. I found a comment that while it may have been truly well intentioned and not meant to spur argument. Was constructed in such a was as to be unanswerable without starting an argument. It contained multiple questions, and a clause setting me up as a Strawman. Even just a few years ago I would have gone in with phasers set to kill. However that is not who I am trying to be.

At this time I am trying very hard to live by the principles of Quakerism. The reference that I use is Faith and Practice of the New York Yearly Meeting of the Religious Society of Friends (with a name like that it's no wonder we go by Quakers or Friends). There are several sections in the Advices and Queries in Faith and Practice that I consulted when I was considering my dilemma of what to do about this problematic comment.

From the Advices.

#3 Friends are advised to be mindful of their conduct and conversation and to observe the testimonies of simplicity and moderation.

Engaging in an online argument would be filling my life with unnecessary anger. Thereby complicating it. So it does not fit with that aspect of Quakerism.

#10 Friends are advised to observe integrity in their living and to inspect frequently the state of their temporal affairs. In their dealings with everyone they should endeavor to maintain a truly Christian character, ever bearing in mind the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

I want to set an example of the best way to be a good person. A True Christian if you will (more on that in a future post). Jesus himself told us to turn away from unnecessary conflict (Matthew 5:38&39).

#15 All are especially cautioned against any harshness of tone or manner when administering counsel or reproof, either privately or in meetings. Friends should speak truth with love, remembering that if they would do God’s work, they must abide in God’s love. Even a seeming harshness may check the beginnings of true repentance, and a lack of sympathy may cause harm where only good was intended.

As I said before, I welcome debate. Unfortunately this comment was impossible to address without engaging in an argument. I want the person who posted it to know that I have nothing but love for them, and I am sorry that I was not able to discuss their concerns peacefully. I felt that I had to delete the comment for the good of all.

From the Queries.

#4 Are love and unity fostered among us? If differences arise, do we endeavor to reconcile them in a spirit of love and truth? Are we careful not to manipulate and exploit one another? Do we avoid talebearing, and are we careful of the reputation of others? 

While one poor comment does not deserve as long of an answer as I have supplied. I felt called to express how my action of deactivating comments was done out of love, strength, and holding to my principles as a Friend. Not cowardice and a lack of conviction. Also, I have called no one out specifically, and I deleted the problematic comment so no one may see it and attack the poster.

#7 Do our vocations provide constructive and beneficial service? Do we observe integrity in our business transactions? Do we avoid involving ourselves beyond our ability to manage? Are we careful to conduct our affairs punctually, justly, and honorably? Do we avoid participation in lotteries, betting, and gambling?

Writing this blog is a Vocation for me. I feel I am called to share the insights of my Faith and life experiences. I do not have the time or ability to engage in extensive moderation. Which is unfair to those who might post with pure intentions, and could be driven out by those whose intentions are questionable. Since Facebook is my primary method of sharing my blog, and Facebook has an active Moderating Team and more powerful tools to address negativity. It is irresponsible of me to try to moderate here.

#14 Do we make ourselves available in a tender and caring way when we sense a need for assistance in time of trouble? Do we trust each other enough to make our needs known to someone in our meeting?

 As I mentioned previously, I primarily share this blog through Facebook. Anyone who wishes to share their thoughts, troubles, or insights may do so through the posts where I share the links to my most recent Blog.

So in conclusion. I decided that I could not personally provide moderation of this Blog while maintaining myself as a Quaker. I bring attention to this blog through the outside source of Facebook. So, I deactivated comments in order to make use of Facebook's already existing moderation instead. Without limiting discussion.

Your Hand in Front of Your Face.

There are hundreds of articles and blogs about why Americans are increasingly not attending church. In my experience, the vast majority of these articles discuss common things so many American churches do to drive people away. Tending to focus on what the more legalistic, doctrinaire, or reactionary denominations do to alienate people. While this conversation is important. It does not answer the question of why church attendance has fallen universally. Including in the most inclusive denominations. Overall, there is an aging of the church populace. With a greater and greater percentage of the younger age cohorts becoming either "Nones" (unaffiliated with any church, but not anti-church) and "Dones" (unaffiliated and anti-church).

 You can find dozens if not hundreds of articles explaining the "Dones" (including the one I linked above). So we are going to concentrate a little bit more on the "Nones." Those who don't have any innate resentment towards church, and even may have interest in religion. Personally, I believe that there is a fairly simple explanation as to why the percentage of "Nones" is growing.

From the very beginning of Christianity the majority of the churchgoing population has been made up of the lower classes. Jesus himself was a construction worker. His disciples were fishermen, thieves, street preachers, and tax collectors. Yeshua of Nazareth spent most of his time preaching to the truly needy. Those that even to this day are considered the scum of society. For several hundred years after his crucifixion Christianity was a movement of the poor.

Heck, to digress a little, that's even the simple explanation as to why the first book of the new testament wasn't written until 80 years after Yeshu left this earth. The early Christians were mostly illiterate and held the message of Yeshua in an oral history form until then.

Getting back to the modern America. Right now America is experiencing the worst period of income inequality since the Gilded Age. More Americans are unemployed, underemployed, or worse than ever before. A recent UN Investigation found levels of poverty in America not seen outside of the Third World. Why is it, when Christianity in all forms has been refuge to the poor and destitute from the very beginning, is church attendance declining?

The simplest explanation can be found on this map. The largest employer in the United States is the Walmart Corporation. With other retail companies taking a larger percentage of the jobs in America than ever before.  Now, those who have never worked retail will be unfamiliar with this. However, retail companies at the corporate level are extremely hostile towards anything less than full availability, no matter what they intend on scheduling you. You must agree to a "Flexible" schedule where they can work you any time of the day or night. With your hours changing from week to week, sometimes from day to day. Setting aside one day of the week, especially a weekend day (weekend hours are the busiest of the week in retail) will get you one of three things. Either passed over for hiring in the first place, subject to abusive scheduling, or even just the workplace becoming hostile because you are receiving "special treatment." All of which is illegal, but legality is a small matter to most American Companies.

This means that while individuals may actually want the community, support, and other benefits of church attendance. The fight for those things is not worth the extreme difficulty. Singing along with a hymn does not pay rent. Sitting in Silent Worship revitalizes your soul and connection to the Light. However, it does not lessen the burden of needing to eat.

The question we must ask ourselves as people of faith is what can we do in order to bring these poor (literally) people back to church. From my perspective as a Hicksite Friend the answer is simple, to turn to the Quaker tradition of activism. To join things like the Poor People's Campaign and work for the betterment of all Americans. Working towards a nationwide Living Wage indexed towards inflation. Decreasing the power of abusive employers by adopting Universal Healthcare and Guaranteed Basic Income programs. Restoring the power of Unions and other collective bargaining arrangements.

In short. Follow the instructions of Jesus to take care of the least among us.

If it wasn't for Joan Baez.

I'm pretty sure that Joan Baez is to blame. Yes, the Folk Singer that sang at President Barak Obama's inauguration.  Okay, to blame is a little harsh, and not really accurate. However, I do know that Joan Baez was my mothers favorite musician when I was little. I asked my mom about this once when I was a kid. So, going off of memories over 30 years old, I am positive that Joan Baez got my mother interested in the Religious Society of Friends... more commonly known as the Quakers. Mom joined the Quakers well before I was born.

When you get right down to it. I can honestly say that I am a Quaker because of Joan Baez.

I have lots of really great memories of being a kid in the Elmira Monthly Meeting. Hiding in the closets. Attending First Day School. Playing with toys in the downstairs. Wicker furniture. Running from bees in the back staircase. Drinking coffee for the first time. Potlucks, where my mother always brought a cheap ready to bake pizza. Playing in the backyard of the Meeting House.

I was a hyperactive child (which should be obvious from a few of the things I got up to). Eventually in my tween years there came a day where my mother told me that it wasn't okay for me to be hanging out with the children. That I was old enough that I had to be in the Meeting Room with the adults. However, that didn't work out very well. Not long after that my mother said that I was being too noisy, and asked if I thought I could be quiet. I didn't (and honestly I was starting to have trouble from what I now know is a sleeping disorder). So I stopped attending meeting in my early teens.

After that, I only identified myself publicly as Quaker once. When registering for the Selective Service.

On the other hand, my mother was a member of the Elmira Friends until the day she passed. My final time in the Meeting House that I had grown up in was for a family fellowship meal after my mothers funeral. I sometimes thought about attending, to see if I could handle it. However, my mothers passing was during a really rough time in my life, and I had no use for religion at that time.

Fast forward to my mid-30s. I had settled into what I describe as a quiet Agnosticism. I didn't talk about, think about, or do anything religious. Then something happened that turned everything upside down.

The usual thing that turns everything inside out. I met a girl. An amazing wonderful 19 year old, who was a young woman of intense faith. We knew that we were destined for each other the day we met, although I fought myself for a time. However, the story of our courtship is for another day.

Maria and I were beginning to plan our wedding. When we realized that we had an issue. There was no way for us to be wed through her church without causing a problem for whatever pastor we asked. That was when I said a fateful phrase. "The Quakers won't care about us being of different faiths, they will marry us."

My mothers best friend and sister-in-law Sharon was still a member of my childhood meeting. She had been taking my little sister, and invited me as well, but I declined.

My Aunt Sharon lent me her copy of Faith and Practice. I started reading it to find out how to go about getting married through the Quakers. I didn't stop reading there.

I started attending Meeting as needed to discuss any necessary wedding preparations. I realized that I didn't have as much trouble sitting still anymore. Also, I was able to be polite when I couldn't. Reading Faith and Practice. I realized how much of my Quaker upbringing had stuck with me.

Maria and I had a very wonderful Quaker Wedding on a warm summer Sunday.

After our wedding we agreed to alternate between Meeting and Maria's Church. We did that for quite a while. I thought about rejoining, but was in no hurry. I started checking out the other Meetings in the region. I met some great Friends, but I still felt the most at home in the Meeting I grew up in.

Finally, something horrible happened, and my Aunt Sharon died suddenly. My family had been part of the Elmira Meeting since the early 80's and suddenly none of us were members. The Meeting held my Aunt's Funeral and it was the most beautiful I had ever attended. Also, the tragedy of my Aunt's passing spurred me to finally submit my request for membership. My Adult Convincement.

I wouldn't be a Quaker if it wasn't for Joan Baez, a Wedding, and a Funeral.