Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Not Falling Into the Fire of My Own Ire.

The hardest of the Quaker testimonies for me to personally follow is the Peace Testimony. I'm positive that it must have been for my Quaker mother as well. I like to think that I am doing a good job, because most people's reaction upon learning that I have anger management issues is shock. For many of them, I am the most calm and serene person they know.

For background, extremely horrible tempers run in my mother's family. I know that most people feel that their family has anger issues. However, my family is extreme, it is not unusual for the police to be called when my extended family gets into arguments. Now, I don't think that we have anything as bad as the adrenal tumors  of the McCoy's from the famous feud. I just know that something makes it worse than usual.

In my case the Divine gave me a sign that lets me know when I have to fight my anger. I get migraines when I give in to too much anger and rage. When I start feeling the ache, I must examine my motivations and reasoning.
Every day is a constant struggle not to let my temper loose. 

I take a moment to breath deeply and slowly whenever necessary. 

I remind myself that "Everyone is the Hero in their own story," when confronted with those who are small minded and selfish. 

I follow what I call the  Craig Ferguson method (video link)  in my daily life. I ask myself. "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me right now?" Doing this cuts down on moments of spontaneous anger. It doesn't help as much with considered anger, but it does keep that under control.

At this time, I feel that I have my anger issues under control. The question then becomes when it it appropriate for me to let righteous anger out. Also, how far is it okay to go with my anger, even righteous anger at the various injustices, inequalities, and hatred in this world.

I do not want to go down a path where I lose myself to my anger again.

Losing yourself to anger is possible even with anger focused against injustice and cruelty. You can become so focused on the target of your rage. That you do not notice when you have lost sight of your goals and are only in it for the fight. Even following the Peace Testimony of Non-Violence we need to recognize when we are no longer being Non-Aggressive.

On the other hand, we have an obligation to fight for those who do not have a voice. To promote Equality for all. To protect those under our care. How do we do that without giving in to just rage and loving ourselves. Unfortunately, I do not have an answer. I am always stopping myself from falling into the fire of my own ire.